Talk » Part of me felt betrayed by the body I had worked

If youre looking for a reason to get mad today, please look no further than the latest blog post from Hope Solo. The U.S. goalkeeper, who was just announced as a member of the Olympics team,?was clearly inspired to speak up after her NWSL team was forced to play in the outfield of a baseball stadium?during a game over the weekend. And (thankfully) she does not hold anything back.Directing her attention initially to the deplorable situation during Sundays match against the Western New York Flash, Solo goes on to make a detailed and impassioned case about the state of the league.?As you can imagine, its not pretty, but totally worth your time. From the low salaries to the field and travel conditions to the frightening lack of security, the post should definitely open a few eyes.Warning: Reading this will likely make your blood boil. Proceed with caution.While this is truly horrible and pathetic, at least womens soccer has such incredible players involved who are willing to take a stand. Thats a start for change, right?See something entertaining on social media that you think deserves to be shared? Let me know on Twitter, @darcymaine_espn. Pete Cross Jersey .com) - Manchester City midfielder David Silva is expected to miss the next four weeks because of a calf problem. Tommy Burleson Jersey . Ivanovic was leading 7-5, 1-0 when Hantuchova withdrew after falling 0-40 behind in the second game. The match started slowly for Ivanovic, who surrendered her first two serves as Hantuchova took a 5-3 lead. https://www.cheapthunder.com/181h-art-harris-jersey-thunder.html . The defence is doing its part, too. Drew Brees threw a pair of touchdown passes in the first half and the guys on the other side made sure that was enough, sending the Saints to a 17-13 victory over the Atlanta Falcons on Thursday night. Mark Radford Jersey . The veteran safety was a starter for the Bengals from 2008-2012. He totaled 41 tackles and three interceptions while starting all but four of the 13 games he played last season. Spencer Haywood Jersey ., for the next three years with the signings on Monday of Daryl Townsend and Michael Carter. In July and August, espnWs weekly essay series will focus on body image.Ive never felt so beautiful in my life. Women arent supposed to say such things.At 32, Im surprised to find myself divorced and childless. Though this is not at all how I imagined my life, I dont begrudge it. There is nothing I hate about myself. When I look in the mirror, Im satisfied with what I see, which some days feels like a miracle considering the world we live in. Even when I do doubt myself -- I refuse to slide into a vortex of self-criticism.I dont know how many times I have found myself among groups of women flagellating themselves about their physical appearance. ... I hate my thighs. My breasts are too small. I wish I had a bigger ass. I cant stand my crows feet. ... The self-criticism can get ruthless, and years ago I decided I would never participate in these kinds of pile ons.I didnt all of a sudden adopt Beyoncés Flawless as my anthem. I didnt one day get up and decide to become the subject of a sappy Dove commercial. The self-love took years of focused, and painstaking, effort. The relationship I have with both my body and my mind has gone through a transformational shift in the past few years. Ive always loved being a woman, but Ive just now begun to embrace my femaleness with a sense of exuberance.Last year I discovered that I love to run. My fondness of running came as a surprise to me because I hated sports as a child; I was so uncoordinated that kids would groan when I was placed on their teams in gym class. I felt awkward, ugly because of my growing breasts, and embarrassed of my chubby body and clumsiness.I saw running as a chore, a way to counteract my love of burgers and beer and maintain my weight. As I was recovering from a horrific bout of depression, however, I increased my distance, and running became a salve for me. Running was part of the cocktail to treat my mental illness -- therapy, Prozac and my Buddhist practice. After my separation from my husband last winter, it became even more cathartic. I began to enjoy the feeling of exhaustion, the breathlessness.For that hour, I was disconnected from all forms of communication and felt fused with my environment. Running was a meditative experience and I was flooded with creativity. The solitude allowed my mind to make leaps that it hadnt made before. I gave myself pep talks on my runs. You are a bad-ass bitch, I would say to myself. You can do anything. Love yourself, you dummy! It was hokey, but it worked. I pushed myself in ways that were unfamiliar to me. I was running for five-mile stretches several times a week. The ache of my muscles afterward was satisfying because it reminded me of what my body had done.The exercise boosted my endorphins as well as my confidence. My back became firm, my posture improved, my ass was well-sculpted, and my stumpy little legs were now tight and powerful. Not only that, I had more energy and my clothes fit me like a goddamn dream.It wasnt until I began to run more seriously that I realized what I was missing.ddddddddddddThere is a sense of liberation that comes from running through the city. Not only does it exhilarate my body, dodging traffic and jumping over broken glass and dead rats makes me feel like a tough broad. I find the solitude fortifying.It was inevitable that this feeling of transcendence manifested in other realms of my life. Older women always tell me how wonderful their 30s were in contrast to their 20s. This is the time when you finally figure yourself out and grow into your own. Well, theyre right. I spent my younger years clawing my way up in my career, feeling insecure about my body, and letting men treat me like garbage. Now that Im a grown woman, I like who I am. I know exactly what I want and what I deserve.As I have become more self-assured and in-tune with my body, Ive entered what feels like a sexual awakening, which I suppose is not surprising. They say that women reach their sexual peak in their 30s because this is when we feel most comfortable with our bodies and sexuality.In fact, a study found that women feel their sexiest at 34. An article published in 2010 in the journal of Personality and Individual Differences also found that women aged 27 through 45 are significantly more sexual than younger women. This particular study posited that the increase in sex drive is biological -- women become more sexually active as their fertility begins to drop. Whatever the reason may be, its real and my desire to have children has followed, a feeling so intense that the other day I saw a beautiful pregnant woman walking down the street and sobbed. My tears were both startling and embarrassing. Part of me felt betrayed by the body I had worked so hard to strengthen and love.I feel like Im brimming with possibilities at this moment in my life. And as Ive reached this precipice -- spiritually, emotionally, and physically -- I find myself single. I cant decide if this is ironic because I know Im definitely not the only one experiencing this. Im surrounded by beautiful and accomplished women who are similarly alone. Are we frightening? I often wonder. Is our power perceived as emasculating in a world built on male fragility?Dont get me wrong. In no way do I find our lives tragic or sad. The women I know are fierce as hell. And despite the incertitude I feel about myself at times, I know that Im flourishing, that Im a complex and complete woman.I feel sorry for those who are incapable of sharing this abundance.Erika L. Sánchez is a poet, essayist and fiction writer. She is the author of Lessons on Expulsion (Graywolf 2017) and Brown Girl Problems (Knopf 2017). Her nonfiction has appeared in Al Jazeera, The Guardian, Rolling Stone and many other publications. She has received a CantoMundo Fellowship, a Discovery/Boston Review Poetry Prize, and a Ruth Lilly and Dorothy Sargent Rosenberg Poetry Fellowship from the Poetry Foundation. ' ' '